Sunday, December 9, 2012

Introducing JetStarve

JetStar(ve) is the budget offshoot from Quantas airlines.  We've flown the cost conscience airline two memorable times on our journey down under.

The price is right, truth be told - these are cheap flights. Our 4.5 hr jaunt from Perth to Sydney touched down at $164 each. Good luck crossing Canada for that price.

But you must remember that you're flying with JetStarve, and everything but the tiny cramp inducing seat is a la carte. I guess Quantas needs to make a bit of profit off JetStarve somehow as they certainly are not making it on the ticket.
  • Want to check a bag in? $70 at the gate. And your carry on is limited to 10kg.
  • Want in flight entertainment? You can rent an iPad for $12.
But the real kicker is the food.
  • Instant noodles in a cup, $5. (The same msg laden ones that got you through college.)
  • A tiny bag of potato chips, $4. (It's "lunch" sized.)
  • A kitkat, $3. 
  • Would you like some water? It's $3.50 a bottle. 
What was that, even the water isn't free? Yes, on JetStarve you're not even offered complimentary water.

Consider this a public service. Less weight on board means less fuel - It's good for the environment! And if you wanted to lose a few pounds of holiday weight, no problem! JetStarve is here to help. You'll land dehydrated and it will have been so long since you last ate that the hunger pangs will have subsided to a dull ache (unlike the cramps in your legs.)

(Satire folks, satire.)

Truth be told, I'd rather just pay for what I want versus having a flight attendant wake me up to offer me a flavoured food puck of one grease variety or another. So I really don't mind skipping extras I don't need. And what did you expect? It's a food store 10,000 feet up in the air, flying at 1000 km/hr - it's impressive prices are only 10x what you'd pay on the ground.

I probably wouldn't be so hard on JetStarve except that our flights were only so-so. Creaky old refurbished planes (one had half the signs printed in German) that have started to show their age.

On our trip into Perth the roof panels across the isle from us were falling apart. They had to move 12 passengers to alternative seats as they were afraid that the panels would collapse completely and fall on them. (The crew then proceeded to half heartedly cello tape the panels together again.)

I'm sure the plane's critical maintenance is top notch, as the relavant authorities have regulations on that, but watching incidents like this one really makes you wonder.

Anyways, we're safely in Sydney now, satiated on our DIY in flight peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

Take that JetStarve

Tomorrow we're on our way to Manly Beach.


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